This I wonder
I had music blasting in my ear as I walked to the store to find out the one thing I was dreading. A million questions kept popping up. Was I ready, Will my family be there, Will I be judge and the number one question was could I handle it? As I waited for the light to turn green, I saw these two girls arguing back and forth, The only thing I could think of was I wish I was one of those girls. After they are done arguing they will go back to there regular lives and I am about to find out something that is going to change my life weather its good or bad. The light turns green and I proceeded to cross the street.
As I get closer my stomach starts to hurt and my mouth gets dry. I open the door to the store and I look around. An old lady is at the cash register getting Tums, a young guys is picking up a pack of seeds and a little girl is on the floor crying because her mom wont let her get any candy. As I looked around I couldn't help saying to myself, I would pay money to be in there shoes. I'm only 19 I’m not ready for a baby, im still a baby myself. I walked to the pregnancy test and it was a cute young guy standing in the same aisle. I was embarrassed because I believed I fell into statics a young girl getting a pregnancy test because she was acting to fast. I got the test and payed for it at the register.
When I walked out the store, a tear unwillingly fell from my eye because I knew in a few minutes I will find out the truth. walking back to my job, My stomach started cramping, My mouth got dry everyone on the street just seemed really loud. I walked in the door and it was like everything slowed down. As I walked to the bathroom the floors creaked under me “creak creak creak”. When I opened the door to the bathroom the sink was dripping “drip drop drip drop”. I opened the test and all of a sudden My eyes became a waterfall, My stomach started cramping and my mouth became a desert. I was terrified,was I ready for this answer, Could I handle the outcome. I looked in the mirror dried my eyes and proceeded to take the test hoping for the best and expecting the worse. I waited for my results. Five minutes was only a short time but it felt like a life time. One minute goes by “tick tock tick tock” Two minutes “tick tock tick tock” Three minutes “tick tock tick tock”. As I look at my clock I get more nervous by the second,I start thinking about everything I haven't done and everything I wanted to do. Tears start to flow again. Four mintues “tick tock tick tock” Five minutes “tick tock tick tock”. I walked to the sink to see the results hoping that I was wrong. I picked up the test and dropped to the floor crying my heart out. I'm pregnant.
Calling my mom was the scariest thing I ever had to do. I thought she would be mad, tell me I had to move out, tell me how dumb I was or just be plain me. I would never forget what she said to me. “You have a job, your going to school and you will finish and become a certified medical assistant and now your going to be a mom. No big deal you can do it.” Hearing that I had my mom support made me feel a lot better. Minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days and days turned into weeks.
Even though me and the dad weren't on speaking terms I finally decided to tell him that I was pregnant. I was nervous because he didn't want anything to do with me after I told him I just wanted to be friends. My heart was beating fast, I felt sick, I hear the clock clicking as I sit at my work desk. He picks up his phone and I tell him “I’m pregnant” Which he replied “I moved on and I have my own family, get rid of it” then hung up. My feelings were hurt. I wanted to cry but for some reason I kept it in and told myself I didn't need him.
As weeks went by my mind became a battlefield. Should I keep my baby or should I get rid of it. Those questions went through my mind every hour every day. My aunt told me that if you will regret your decision then don’t do it because once it's done it is done. If you are having second thoughts about if an abortion is the right thing for you to do then you shouldn’t do it. I thought about what she said and told myself that this was my choice to make. No matter how he feels I’m going to keep him or her and I am going to do everything I can to make sure the baby life is complete. I told him my decision and he was pissed. He offered to pay for me to have an abortion and offered to pay my for abortion which I declined. I couldn't do it and it made me hate him even more. I made my decision and I wasn't changing my mind for anyone no matter how hard they tried.
9 months later i'm fat, hungry, hot, miserable, moody and in pain. Every month I always had a war in my mind but as the time went by it started happening less. The questions what will happen to my life now, will I be able handle it, will my family be supportive? But the answer was always I don’t know, your not having her for them. You are doing this for yourself. 4 am. My breathing increased, pain is everywhere, tears are rolling down my face I don’t know what to do. I tell my mom and she just rolls over and say's “your contractions aren't far apart yet” then goes back to sleep. Finally 8 am we are on our way to the hospital. By 1:30 pm Taniyah Blessin Jean Abney was here weighing at 7 pounds, 10 oz and 21 inches. Tears immediately start flowing from my eyes because she was more beautiful then what I imagined. My angel peered up at me and I realized that I made the right decision. I have a beautiful baby girl and the only thing I regret is having those thoughts on not keeping her. I'm a mommy now!
As I get closer my stomach starts to hurt and my mouth gets dry. I open the door to the store and I look around. An old lady is at the cash register getting Tums, a young guys is picking up a pack of seeds and a little girl is on the floor crying because her mom wont let her get any candy. As I looked around I couldn't help saying to myself, I would pay money to be in there shoes. I'm only 19 I’m not ready for a baby, im still a baby myself. I walked to the pregnancy test and it was a cute young guy standing in the same aisle. I was embarrassed because I believed I fell into statics a young girl getting a pregnancy test because she was acting to fast. I got the test and payed for it at the register.
When I walked out the store, a tear unwillingly fell from my eye because I knew in a few minutes I will find out the truth. walking back to my job, My stomach started cramping, My mouth got dry everyone on the street just seemed really loud. I walked in the door and it was like everything slowed down. As I walked to the bathroom the floors creaked under me “creak creak creak”. When I opened the door to the bathroom the sink was dripping “drip drop drip drop”. I opened the test and all of a sudden My eyes became a waterfall, My stomach started cramping and my mouth became a desert. I was terrified,was I ready for this answer, Could I handle the outcome. I looked in the mirror dried my eyes and proceeded to take the test hoping for the best and expecting the worse. I waited for my results. Five minutes was only a short time but it felt like a life time. One minute goes by “tick tock tick tock” Two minutes “tick tock tick tock” Three minutes “tick tock tick tock”. As I look at my clock I get more nervous by the second,I start thinking about everything I haven't done and everything I wanted to do. Tears start to flow again. Four mintues “tick tock tick tock” Five minutes “tick tock tick tock”. I walked to the sink to see the results hoping that I was wrong. I picked up the test and dropped to the floor crying my heart out. I'm pregnant.
Calling my mom was the scariest thing I ever had to do. I thought she would be mad, tell me I had to move out, tell me how dumb I was or just be plain me. I would never forget what she said to me. “You have a job, your going to school and you will finish and become a certified medical assistant and now your going to be a mom. No big deal you can do it.” Hearing that I had my mom support made me feel a lot better. Minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days and days turned into weeks.
Even though me and the dad weren't on speaking terms I finally decided to tell him that I was pregnant. I was nervous because he didn't want anything to do with me after I told him I just wanted to be friends. My heart was beating fast, I felt sick, I hear the clock clicking as I sit at my work desk. He picks up his phone and I tell him “I’m pregnant” Which he replied “I moved on and I have my own family, get rid of it” then hung up. My feelings were hurt. I wanted to cry but for some reason I kept it in and told myself I didn't need him.
As weeks went by my mind became a battlefield. Should I keep my baby or should I get rid of it. Those questions went through my mind every hour every day. My aunt told me that if you will regret your decision then don’t do it because once it's done it is done. If you are having second thoughts about if an abortion is the right thing for you to do then you shouldn’t do it. I thought about what she said and told myself that this was my choice to make. No matter how he feels I’m going to keep him or her and I am going to do everything I can to make sure the baby life is complete. I told him my decision and he was pissed. He offered to pay for me to have an abortion and offered to pay my for abortion which I declined. I couldn't do it and it made me hate him even more. I made my decision and I wasn't changing my mind for anyone no matter how hard they tried.
9 months later i'm fat, hungry, hot, miserable, moody and in pain. Every month I always had a war in my mind but as the time went by it started happening less. The questions what will happen to my life now, will I be able handle it, will my family be supportive? But the answer was always I don’t know, your not having her for them. You are doing this for yourself. 4 am. My breathing increased, pain is everywhere, tears are rolling down my face I don’t know what to do. I tell my mom and she just rolls over and say's “your contractions aren't far apart yet” then goes back to sleep. Finally 8 am we are on our way to the hospital. By 1:30 pm Taniyah Blessin Jean Abney was here weighing at 7 pounds, 10 oz and 21 inches. Tears immediately start flowing from my eyes because she was more beautiful then what I imagined. My angel peered up at me and I realized that I made the right decision. I have a beautiful baby girl and the only thing I regret is having those thoughts on not keeping her. I'm a mommy now!